Triad (tri-ad): noun

1. a group or set of three connected people or things. (source: Google)
2. a secret society originating in China, typically involved in organized crime. (source: Google)
3. Adoption Triad is a triangle which symbolizes the three parties involved in an adoption: adoptee, adoptive parents and birth parents. (source: https://definitions.uslegal.com/a/adoption-triad/)

I thought it might be helpful, especially for those of you “just visiting” the blog, to understand some basic adoption terms. I found Google’s secret society definition amusing, both because I had never heard it before and because many in adoption-land view the adoption “system” as a secretive, criminal activity. Again, for clarity, I do not share this view.

It might also be helpful to let Triad members who are visiting this page to know where I stand, personally, with regards in my views on adoption. Here’s a quick overview:

• I was adopted at birth. Well, by age 4 months.
  • I have known practically my entire life that I was adopted. In other words, as long as I can remember. It’s best illustrated by a true story I love to tell: one day in second grade, my mom (for intents and purpose, whenever I say “mom” or “dad” I am specifically referring to my adoptive parents) came to school for some reason. A friend ran up to her and said: “J says she’s ADOPTED!”, as if to somehow embarrass me or suggest that I was lying. My mom said: “Well, she is!” I remember feeling incredibly vindicated, even at age 8. After all, wasn’t being adopted special?
  • So my parents have always been extremely forthcoming about my adoption. Because I always knew, it was always just a part of me…like my eye color or loud speaking voice. It just was. It just is.
• I was raised by stable (mostly), loving, and supportive parents. I get that many, many adoptees got the shit end of the stick in this regard. I was incredibly fortunate to have a positive (mostly) upbringing. My mom and dad were not perfect (more on this later!) but they were and are good people.
• I believe that adoption is a positive force. It certainly needs to be desperately overhauled in the U.S., but I firmly believe that when it is in the best case of the child, adoption is a wonderful option. I believe that not all biological parents are simply capable of caring for a child.
• I have been in reunion with my maternal biological side for 10 ish years. I have been in reunion with my paternal bio side for 2 years. It didn’t go well with my parents. MUCH MORE on this later. I encourage all adoptees who are curious to know their origins to begin that search. I support open records for all states. I support common sense reform for adoption laws. I do NOT support throwing out entire bills that could open doors due to a few words in the language of the bill that annoy some. I will strive to keep this blog non-political, but I’m sure at some point there will be a post or two on this. Adoptees can be our own worst enemies.
• Around age 30 is when I started to realize how much “being adopted” was a part of my identity. I don’t mean like earlier, when I said it was like having blue eyes. As I became a part of the online adoption world I realized that there were deep divisions and very different definitions of what “being adopted” meant for each adoptee. As I navigated personal growing pains within my own family, and my own children, it started to dawn on me that being adopted shaped much more of my personal identity and choices that I ever realized, or was ever willing to admit, before. Not all good, and not all bad. But definitely present…and therefore, needed to be explored and examined. Finding my biological family only intensified these feelings.

So this is a quick snapshot of where I “stand” on the adoption side of things. Love my parents, love my biological family, and I won’t apologize for being raised in a stable home nor the flaws of any person I am related to – blood or otherwise.

Thanks for hanging in this far. Onward!