My biological mother, S, turned 70 last Friday. The day itself passed with little fanfare or remembrance for me, as I was traveling back from upstate New York where I had been visiting my father in law with my family.

But I did remember. I remembered that my uncle (her brother) had mentioned she might be having a party, and he invited me to it. I never heard any more about it, but I didn’t really expect to. Although he was extremely kind and gracious with his invite, I felt she didn’t want me there. I would not even know what to say to her, beyond “happy birthday”.

And I did, I guess, celebrate in a small way without planning it. We stopped in our travels for the night in Muncie, Indiana to visit with my brother and sister and their 6 kids between them. We slept at my sister’s house because there were no hotel rooms available. After visiting at my brother’s house for a while; my husband, my sister’s husband, my sister’s two boys, and my son walked to my sister’s house (my brother and sister live a couple of blocks apart). My sister and I drove. As I pulled up to the house, we came upon my son and his cousins racing down the road in the middle of the night, overcome with excitement about the sleepover. I smiled out loud, and realized that, although my biological mother refuses to talk to me and refused to give me my biological father’s name, I was able to take this small piece of my past back into my control. I found my paternal biological side on my own and in doing so, am able to create new memories – the possibilities of which had been denied to me for 40 years.

I’ll be able to look back at 70 years and appreciate that even more than I do now.

“This is the book I’ve never read.
These are the words I’ve never said.
This is the path I’ll never tread.
These are the dreams I’ll dream instead.” – Annie Lennox